Discovering the Real You

As I continue on my journey of self-discovery of becoming my true being, I would like to share with you some of my findings. I've got this lovely book by Beverly Engel titled "Healing Your Emotional Self" and in it she deals with a lot of issues in reference to parenting/caretakers impact on the development of self. However, I choose to focus on the topic "Discovering the Real You" from a personal development perspective.

Engel says that in order for you to raise your self-esteem and feel better about yourself, you need to find out who you are -- not who you were told you are, not the persona you took on in order to please your parents, but the real you.

• No one can tell you who you are.
• You are the only one who is capable of determining who your true self is.
• You will need to discover and create your true self.
• You will need to look deep inside to begin to find your true reflection.

Engel states that one of the most effective ways of discovering who you are is to pay attention to your emotions. In fact, some define self-awareness as being conscious of our moods, and our thoughts about our moods.

Daniel Goleman defines "Self awareness -- recognizing a feeling as it happens -- is the keystone of emotional intelligence.... the ability to monitor feelings from moment to moment is crucial psychological insight and understanding.... People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives, having a surer sense of how they really feel about personal decisions."

Engel goes on to say that we can learn about ourselves through the emotions we experience and by being mindful about it. Once you are aware of your emotions, it can help you to change them.

Another aspect of self-discovery described by Engel is the experience of who you are, that is not a result of your history and conditioning and is not affected by your beliefs or opinions. This aspect of you is referred to as your true nature, your being or your essence, because it is the ultimate nature of who you are. Essence also refers to the part of you that is the most permanent and unchanging -- the part of you that is central in defining who you are.

I love this concept of discovering your essence because I believe it is actually our true definition of who we really are. It is the core of who we are. I would also like to call it as a discovery process of re-connecting to the spirituality that is within all of us.

Engel only talks about discovering your essence very briefly in her book, as her main focus is on how to heal the damage to your self-image and self-esteem caused by negative parental messages and offers treatment to help you lead a happier and healthier life. Since I'm a huge fan of happpiness, I'll read anything that helps to heal this world.


Quotes to ponder upon for today:

When the mind soars in pursuit of the things conceived in space, it pursues emptiness. But when the man dives deep within himself, he experinces the fullness of existence.
-- Meher Baba

We must never allow other people's limited perception to define us.
-- Virginia Satir

Self-nurturing means, above all, making a commitment to self-compassion.
-- Jennifer Louden.